Negotiation
What does the other side need that costs you nothing to give?
Every negotiation is two people trying to get what they want. The best outcomes happen when both succeed. Never split the difference — find the option that makes the split unnecessary.
| Weak Negotiation | Strong Negotiation |
|---|---|
| Argue positions | Explore interests |
| Win/lose framing | Expand the pie first |
| React emotionally | Label emotions |
| Make demands | Ask calibrated questions |
| Split the difference | Find creative options |
Preparation
Before any negotiation, fill this out:
| Element | Your Side | Their Side |
|---|---|---|
| Best outcome | What you ideally want | What they ideally want |
| BATNA | Best alternative if this fails | Their best alternative |
| Walk-away point | The minimum you'll accept | The minimum they'll accept |
| Hidden interests | What you need beyond the obvious | What they need beyond the obvious |
| Concessions | What you can give that costs little | What they can give that costs little |
The side with the better BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) has the leverage. If you don't know your BATNA, you're not ready.
Tactical Empathy
Chris Voss's core principle: empathise with your counterpart's situation, then get them to empathise with yours.
| Technique | How It Works | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Mirroring | Repeat the last 1-3 words they said | "You're worried about the timeline..." "The timeline?" |
| Labeling | Name the emotion without judgment | "It sounds like you're frustrated with the process" |
| Accusation audit | List every negative thing they might think of you | "You probably think we're being unreasonable..." |
| Calibrated questions | Open questions that start with "how" or "what" | "How am I supposed to do that?" |
| No-oriented questions | Questions designed to elicit "no" (which makes people feel safe) | "Is it a bad idea to...?" |
Provide context for why you need to maintain your position. People concede to reasons, not demands.
The Negotiation Sequence
1. Listen first → Understand before proposing
↓
2. Label emotions → "It seems like..."
↓
3. Explore interests → "What's most important to you here?"
↓
4. Generate options → "What if we..."
↓
5. Commit to specifics → "So we agree that..."
Common Traps
| Trap | What Happens | The Fix |
|---|---|---|
| Anchoring | First number shapes everything | Let them anchor first, or anchor aggressively with justification |
| Reactive devaluation | Their offer feels worse just because it's theirs | Evaluate the offer, not the source |
| Winner's curse | They accepted too fast — you left money on the table | If they say yes immediately, your ask was too low |
| Splitting | Meeting in the middle feels fair but often isn't | Fair depends on leverage, alternatives, and value — not arithmetic |
| Time pressure | Urgency makes you concede | Deadlines are negotiable. Most aren't real. |
Concession Strategy
- Never concede without getting something back — even if small
- Make concessions smaller over time — signals you're approaching your limit
- Label your concessions — "I'm giving you X because I value this relationship"
- Never split the difference first — let them suggest it, then negotiate from there
The Shadow
Manipulation. Zero-sum thinking. Winning the deal but losing the relationship. Negotiating everything, even when generosity would serve better.
By Archetype
| Archetype | Negotiation Style |
|---|---|
| Realist | Data-driven, grounded in evidence and alternatives |
| Coach | Empathetic, finds the hidden interest behind the position |
| Dreamer | Expansive, creates options nobody considered |
Context
- Listening — Hear what they need before you speak
- Empathy — Tactical empathy as competitive advantage
- Persuasion — The psychology behind influence
- Selling — Negotiation in commercial context
- Trust — The currency both sides are trading